The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
