wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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