now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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