Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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