Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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