woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
