Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
