So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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