I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
