omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
