before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
