Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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