who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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