and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
