So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
