You made me cry and you don't even care
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
