i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
