no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i think my cat just said my name.
I forget how to act sober
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
