I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
