so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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