I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
