I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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