we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
