bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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