I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
