she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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