she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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