I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
