my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
