so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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