well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
