you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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