It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
