you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
