and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has the fingertips of a God
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
