no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
