I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
