based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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