I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
