Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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