and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Terrible idea I love it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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