I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
