The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
