Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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