Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize