i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
