You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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