Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
