if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
