i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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