I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
