I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found puke in my bra..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
