u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
