So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
