I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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