he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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