Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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