I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
