Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
