did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I faked an abortion last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
