Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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