so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The air was thick with penises
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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