My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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