Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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