I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
