would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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