Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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