I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
